*Sigh*

TUNES: 'I should tell you' - Rent

Mood:

. . . why do I get butterflies thinking about this guy? How is it that I can stand singing, talking, in front of hundreds of people, yet I'm still feeling like this? I can't look at a picture of him without feeling like this. I can't make eye contact with a picture of him without feeling butterflies flapping around in there.

And I still don't trust this whole 'luff' thing. I'm suspicious of it's intentions.

Maybe I should just admit it. I don't get it or even understand it because I don't even trust my own two feet. Who am I to trust this stupid stomach feeling that just came waltzing in? I'm a bit frightened. I want to trust desire -- I want to learn.

Well, here we go

Now, we . . .

Oh, no.

I know this something is . . .

Here goes.

Yes, so it's starting to . .

Who knows . . .

Who knows?

Who knows where?

Who goes there?

Who knows?

Here goes . . .

Trusting desire --

Starting to learn,

Walking through fire . . .

Without a burn!

Clinging a shoulder . . .

A leap begins . . .

Stinging

And older

Asleep on pins!

So here we go . . .

Now we --

Oh, no . . .

I know . . .

Oh, no.

Who knows where?

Who goes there?

Here goes . . .

Here goes . . .

Here goes . . .

Here goes . . .

Here goes . . .

Here goes . . .

Thank you, Rent, for being able to say something when I can't.

Retarded miniventure.

TUNES: Sugar we're goin' down - Fall Out Boy

Mood: Meh : |

Some people who read this blog may know about the retarded adventure that started with my friend Dezzy -- from Rock the Existance -- posted something of FB about wanting to be a Hobbit. Well, that hasn't happened, (but it will -- oh yes, it will) -- but we had a retarded miniventure today!

It all started in Gym, where we were playing tennis. We all decided it was too cold and wanted to go play on the little kid's playground, but knew Mrs. P would yell at us. So Kristen chucked a ball over the fence into the trees by the playground. We pretended to go 'searching' for it when, in reality, we climbed on the playground and went down the slide. Oh, and if anyone asks, we went to Narnia.

A lot of insane things happened in Gym. We started pretending out rackets were lightsabers when Dezzy realized that when you swung them, the made the wooshy noise. And Allyson's misinterpreted "I was waving my lightsaber and it cut my leg off!" which, by Dezzy's ears was actually "My vagina's a lightsaber and it cut my leg off!" Which, in my opinion, is a drastic difference. Then of course there's the fact that I can't hit the ball when it's right in front of me . . . and when I DO hit it, it just drops to the ground. No bounce.

In other awesome news . . . guess who got into the Rum River Art Show? Mackenzie did! Yay!

Oh, and I think I'm starting a new feature. "Things about the girl I hate." They'll probably be at the end of the post . . . because I just thought of it and can't think of where else to fit it into the post.

HER TATTOO IS UGLY.

*frowny face*

:( I want donuts. I haven't had a good, bakery donut in what seems like forever. I'm seriously considering buying some tomorrow. Like, walking down to the bakery after school and getting some donuts. Om nom.

I think this is a good idea for a food related picdump.

Hehe. Guess who wants a snowcone now?

^^^^Here's the inspiration for my birthday cake.
^^^^^^^^^And here's my birthday cake. It was pretty bomb, peeps. It was blue on the inside, too.
RAINBOW CAKE!
DELICIOUS RAINBOW DONUT. OM NOM.

(I'd like to remind people that I regularly use Google for my images, so all but one of those might have a copyright. The other REPO! Cake probably doesn't, but you never know. Also, got that pic from the good peeps over at the repo-opera forums. I think someone made that cake for one of the tour days.)

Also, made my birthday cake myself. I'll probably make mine again this year. What theme shall I use? Hmmm . . .

Interesting . . .

Breaking news here -- well, not really, considering this has been going on for months and I just remembered to blog about it.

My guinea pigs . . . are not as retarded as they look. And they look relatively retarded.

So, a little while back, I looked over at their hut, and noticed that they were chewing on the walls. Once again, they look pretty retarded. Then . . . I noticed that where the teeth marks were. They were at fat guinea pig hip level.

They were gnawing away the walls of their hut to accommodate their fatness.

I couldn't believe it -- and neither could my sister. We were laughing so hard, it was unbelievable!

OH, I forgot.

Mother's day is closing in on us! And for my mom, who's put up with my crap for almost fifteen years, I've decided to actually do something for her this year.

Mother's day has never been a big thing in my family. Don't quite know why -- maybe it has something to do with being a single mom for fourteen years? I dunno. But Steph and I have done various things for mom throughout the years, in grade school, little projects, and when Steph hit high school and I hit fifth grade, we graduated to ordering her tulips (mom's a sucker for Tulips). I've baked her stuff before, but normally, we just say 'Happy Mother's day, Mom,' and go on with our day.

This year, I've decided to do something different, though. And by 'different,' I mean 'actually doing something.'

I've decided I shall make her pink cupcakes, with white frosting, get her a card, and get her some flowers.

There may be something to explain my recent development in 'wanting to do stuff for mom'-ness. Mom and I have had some . . . rocky arguments lately. We tend to make up pretty fast, but I still feel like a bit of a jerk (even though I know it's not my fault.)

Also, as of this year, (and last year, actually, but that doesn't count because there was too much going on) mom is a mother of five instead of her usual two. Mom got married last year, and married herself into an amazing dork with three . . . well, two half time kids and Jordan. Jordan just does whatever. Megan and Dylan he has half (51%) custody of. Meg and Dyl are hard to stand, but I irrevocably love them in some weird way. (I know, it's hard to believe that I have a heart, isn't it?)

But yeah, Mom gets pink cupcakes, a card (probably musical), and quite possibly Tulips. I may or may not sneak into the house and make her breakfast. No, wait, I will. Yeah. I'll ask Terry what time she usually gets up on days off -- and make sure it's her day off.

BREAKING NEWS: Mom's got the day off, and she normally wakes up at about 7:00.

So, plan of action!

Operation: Mothers Day!

Pre-Op:

Saturday:

Bake Cupcakes, Frost, get tulips if I end up doing that. Set alarm for 6:00. I may or may not get the card before this.

Op:

Sunday:

Get up at 6:00, dress, pack everything, leave house at 6:30, bike to Mom's house with necessary components for breakfast extravaganza. Dump bike in yard, go inside, prepare breakfast. Complete breakfast, set table, wake up Mom, Terry, and kids. Eat, displays of love, etc. Happiness ensues! Yay! Theeeen, cupcakes.

Now, what shall be on the breakfast menu?

Pancakes -- Homemade, that is. And pink.

Scrambled Eggs. Probably the normal color.

I'll keep the pancakes in the oven on super low to make sure they stay warm and not crappy until everything's ready.

Terry and the kids'll eat at the table, and I might serve mom breakfast in bed or something. If she doesn't want that, she can come out and eat with us.

I think I'll go check how my bike's working.

NEW! NEW! NEW!

TUNES: Dance Floor Anthem - Good Charlotte

Mood: Impossible to describe (???)

Hey, y'all! You may (or may not) have noticed the new layout!

Now that that's out of the way . . .

I hate to say this, but it's baffling, and I haven't felt like this since I was like, nine. So, I'm pretty confused and awkward about stuff like this, and I feel like a victorian woman on her wedding night. I can't think of words to equate to this feeling. I have heard many a rumor of this feeling, but alas, I've never had this feeling before.

I do not understand this feeling of 'luff.' It's confusing, and I dislike it. It makes my heart all fluttery, and it makes my stomach feel funky. I have witnessed this 'luff' make drooling idiots out of people, drawing poor decisions from them. This makes me think of this 'luff' as a destructive force not to be reckoned with. (or is it 'to be reckoned with?' I cant' remember. AH, IT'S ALREADY KICKING IN! SOMEONE STOP THIS!)

Eh hem. Sorry.

But it's true. I don't understand a stitch of this -- only what I've read. And what I've witnessed. It's so unfortunate to be thrust into something like this unprepared! Why on earth does it happen like that? You'd think it'd be an advantage to have some knowledge beforehand, but where do I get it from? This is all so impractical!

Oh, remember what I said about drooling idiots and bad decisions? I must comment that some people are like that before the whole 'luff' thing happens. One of these people is the girl this boy is dating. I didn't like her before I encountered this weird feeling, and I still don't like her. She's bad news, peeps. I LOATHE YOU, GIRL. HEAR ME? No, you don't because the only thing you use the internet for is Facebook. Besides, you wouldn't be hearing me, you'd be seeing the words on the screen. Either way -- wait, I'm actually surprised you can read. Nevermind. I doubt you'd be able to comprehend the words in this post because they use vowels. And more than two syllables. This is turning into an angry rant, isn't it? Oh well, bring it on! Anger, now THAT'S something I understand. Anger and this 'luff' apparently come from the same section of the brain, though. All the irrational stuff comes from there. Anger, Anxiety, 'luff.'

And with my clumsiness and awkwardness, I'm going to assume that I won't FALL in 'luff' . . .

I'm going to CRASH.

Tunes: Goodbye Love - RENT

Mood: Meh : |

So, I tested my hypothesis from my last post . . . but something got in the way, that I'd forgotten about.

I had two appointments that week. One with my psychologist on Wednesday, and an Orthodontist appointment on Friday.

On a completely A.D.D. note, I really want to watch Phantom of the Opera now.

Back to what I was saying. I honestly can't remember if I got my assignment in on Wednesday or what -- but otherwise, I got every assignment in -- and I told myself on Monday, that if I got my assignments in Monday through Friday -- I'd get myself a sundae.

I actually never got my sundae -- heh. I'm a bit too lazy to walk to Dairy Queen (which is less than a block away . . .). Except that's exactly what I did for supper on Friday. Oh well. Good enough. Wait -- my reward, as of right now, was . . .

umm . . . .

Watching Phantom of the Opera? Like, right now?

Sure! Yes.

On another completely A.D.D. note, I had knowledge bowl practice recently because we have a meet on Monday. But that's not it. I was doing a fake test that Ms. Stevens (my knowledge bowl coach and english teacher) had given me.

That's also not it -- nor is it very exciting. No, the thing was one of the last questions . . .

In which I had to decipher Cockney.

I can't even remember what it said (I'll make sure to post that later. I have it in my Science binder) but . . . I honestly did not know what it meant in english. Does anyone else expect something like that in knowledge bowl? Normally we have to say . . . like, who the inventor of . . . like . . . the Sharpie was. No. We do not on a regular basis have to decipher Cockney. I was laughing and trying to say it out loud and sounding like an idiot. It was definitely worth it. Except I just guessed on the question (and got it right to boot).

Also on an A.D.D. note: I noticed that when I sweat in my rainbow socks, they'll make the insides of my converse rainbow! (this has only been observed in the Blue high tops as of far)

Also, I have a new purse. The Roomba found it under my bed, along with some clear nail polish, my sister's scholarship certificate, and a bunch of other random crap.

Yes, this little circular robot that is totally not sentient and can only establish barriers by bumping into things . . . found a purse and brought it out to me.

Kinda. It moreso dragged it out from under the bed. And I laughed at it because I hadn't seen that purse (which is technically my sister's) for ages. Also, I determined the Roomba to be a Hufflepuff, for Hufflepuffs are good finders, indeed.

Going a bit psychological on y'all here . . .

So, I just read an article on www.cracked.com about video game addiction. At one point, they talked about how video games fill a void you get from being dissatisfied with your job or life. They said to be satisfied with you job (or life, for the unemployed or minors out there) you need three things:

"1. Autonomy (having a say in what you do in your day-to-day routine)

2. Complexity (so it's not just mind-numbing repetition)

3. Connection between effort and reward (i.e. you actually see the awesome results of your hard work)"

And this got me thinking about how satisfied I am with school. Let's see how school measures up to these three requirements for satisfaction of life:

Autonomy? No. We do what the teacher tells us to do. We have almost no say in what we do.

Complexity? Sometimes. Math? I'm finding X and Y day . . . after day . . . after day . . . after day . . . there's nothing new there. I'm still finding X and Y. Gym? Sometimes. It'll be different and interesting here and there.

Here's the big Kahuna -- Connection between effort and reward. When I turned my math assignments in, there wasn't really much of a reward. When I didn't turn them in? No reward. It stayed the same. Some would say that the reward is a good grade -- but what does that mean to me? It's a letter on a piece of paper. That's no reward.

And all that got me thinking . . . well, what would the reward be for the effort? And I thought about math. OK, so if you turn your assignments in monday-friday, you get some kind of reward on friday. It makes sense. In fact, that's what they do for little kids in schools. If you do your work and get it signed at home or whatever, you get a gold star or something towards some type of greater reward. And these little kids strive for these stars or whatever to get that larger reward -- so they do their work.

So, I think we have something here.

I observed, noted, and came up with a hypothesis. And I'll be darned if I don't test it, observe the results, and prove it wrong or right. And if I prove it right . . . I guess I'll publish it. On here, in the paper, on the school's website, et cetera, wherever I can get it out. And if I'm wrong, I'll go back and try a new hypothesis.

Which class will I try it in?

Let's go through my schedule to see which classes would work best:

English: Hmm. We don't have many assignments in here. I don't think it'll work.

German: We really only have one big assignment. And it's due on the day of the test -- still plenty of time to procrastinate.

Economics: We don't have many assignments in this class either. And when we do have a project or something, we do it in class.

Band/Choir: . . . this just isn't gonna work.

Gym: . . . neither will this one.

Science: Too laid back, and everything is due on the day of the test.

Math: Daily assignments, the classroom is generally not laid-back but not too uptight . . . I think we have a winner!

So, I'll have to talk to Mr. O about this, maybe we can start it next week, or maybe fourth quarter . . . yeah -- that'll be optimal.

So, we'll have to do a clean run week, and record the percentage of people who turn in all of their work, half their work, or none of their work. And then, over the fourth quarter, we'll have . . . like, assignments monday-friday, and everyone who turns them in gets a reward. Then we'll just see if percentages one goes up, three goes down, and how percentage number two changes in any way.

I'm pretty excited about this. : )